


Becoming

by Effervescence Silverplanet (Heather)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, POV Alternating, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-07-17
Updated: 2000-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-08 01:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heather/pseuds/Effervescence%20Silverplanet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would "Becoming" have been like if it had been Cordy and Faith instead of Buffy and Angel?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Becoming

**Author's Note:**

> his is set in an alternate timeline in which Angel never lost his soul, Spike recently acquired one and dumped Dru, and Faith was called instead of Kendra. Oh, and Faith's a vamp.

  
~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I couldn't believe it.  
There was just no way. It can't be true.  
But it is true.  
"I'm sorry, Cordelia." Giles said softly, chewing on the earpiece of his  
glasses.  
I shook my head. "No, you guys are wrong. Faith would never..."  
"Cordy, I wish it wasn't true." Buffy said. "I wish that Faith was just some  
great kid, and still with you. But she's not. She's not that girl any more,  
Cord. That girl died. Faith's a vamp. And now she wants to send us all to  
Hell."  
I felt tears coming. No, dammit. I can't cry. Not here, with Xander and  
Willow sitting right there, looking at me. "Can't we do something? I mean, do  
we really have to..." I choked on my own words.  
All around the room people showed with their body language that there was no  
other way.  
Angel and Spike both bowed their heads, afraid to look at me. Willow had  
tears in her eyes and she gripped Spike's hand tightly for support. Xander  
stared long and hard at a wall; he was angry, feeling the unfairness of this  
situation. Giles put his glasses back on and looked away. Buffy looked at me  
with an expression of sorrow, a face that meant she was sorry. Sorry for me.  
I shook my head violently. "No, dammit; there has to be another way. I know  
there has to be. Find it."  
"Cor..." Xander started to say, but shut up when I glared at him.  
"The curse!" Willow cried suddenly.  
I looked over at her. "What?"  
"T-The curse. We cursed Spike and gave him a soul; we can probably give one  
to Faith." Willow said, positively beaming at me.  
I turned to Giles, silently begging for it to be true. He chewed the  
earpiece of his glasses again, looking thoughtful. "Y-Yes, I suppose we could  
restore Faith's soul."  
"Settled, then." Buffy said firmly, as if to stomp out any arguments anyone  
might've had. She was giving it her official stamp of approval, changing it  
from a theory to a plan. I could've hugged her. "Will, Spike, you two go to  
the magick shop. Xander, you and Giles try to find the curse again. It's in  
one of these books; you found it before, you can do it again. Angel and I  
will try to find Faith and bring her back here, just so we can make sure she  
doesn't hurt more people before while we're busy doing this."  
"What about me?" I asked, feeling both weary and excited. We were going to  
bring back my Faith.  
Buffy smiled slightly at me. "You go home and rest, Cor; you've earned it."  
Cor. Faith always called me that. I felt a tinge of the sadness again. But  
then I reminded myself that we were going to bring her back, and smiled at  
Buffy.  
"Thanks." I said, picking up my purse and heading for the door.

~*~ Giles ~*~

I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Restore Faith's soul. It made  
sense. We'd done it before. Why hadn't it occurred to me that we could and  
should do it again?  
I watched Cordelia and Buffy exchange some hushed words and saw Cordelia  
smile. It was good to see it. It was the first time I'd seen her smile since  
Faith died.  
Cordelia had blamed herself for Faith's death. She had followed Faith on  
patrol one night, wanting to make sure she was all right, and then Faith had  
been attacked. She'd had the situation under control until Cordelia had  
noticed a vampire behind her, and called to her. In her surprise over  
discovering Cordelia's presence, Faith had been bitten and quickly drained.  
It had been heartbreaking to see how hard Cordelia took it, and just how  
much she blamed herself. She and Faith had truly been in love.  
And now, now there was a chance that we might be able to bring Faith back to  
her. We'd given her a ray of hope. The thought of yanking it away from her  
made me ache. After all, if there was a chance to get Jenny back, wouldn't it  
kill me if it turned out to be a false lead? No, we were going to restore  
Faith's soul, no matter the difficulties.  
I only hoped we could find the curse before it was too late.

~*~ Willow ~*~

"Back again?" The bookstore owner said, smiling warmly at Spike and me.  
"What can I say?" Spike said, grinning at her. "There's no place in  
Sunnydale better than here to purchase aphrodisiacs."  
My face turned bright red. I slapped Spike's arm. "That's not what we came  
here for!"  
I walked over to the bookstore owner and handed her the list of materials we  
needed. I still had most of them left over from last time, but there were a  
couple that needed replenishing.  
She came back from her herb drawers with all the things I needed and put  
them in a bag for me while Spike looked around the shop. The bookstore owner  
smiled and leaned over the counter.  
"Your boyfriend over there, hold onto him. He's a keeper." She whispered to  
me.  
My eyes widened. "Oh, he's not my boyfriend."  
She chuckled and patted my arm. "Give it time, honey." She rang up my total  
and I paid her quickly, trying to hide the blush in my cheeks.  
"We got everything we need, luv?" Spike asked.  
I nodded. I couldn't look at him. Spike? My boyfriend? I hadn't even  
considered him boyfriend material. At least, not really.  
He's a vampire, I reminded myself. But then, so is Angel and so is Faith,  
but Buffy and Cordy still love them.  
"Penny for your thoughts, pet?" Spike asked me on the way back to the  
library.  
I gave him a trembling smile and lied, "Wondering if Cordy and Faith will  
get back together if this works."  
"I think they will." Spike replied. "After all, Cordelia really loves Faith.  
And you know what they say: Love conquers all."  
"B-But what about the whole  
'I'm-a-vamp-I'm-gonna-live-forever-and-y&lt;!--&lt;wbr&gt;\--&gt;&lt;!--&lt;/wbr&gt;\--&gt;ou're-going-to-get-old-and-wrinkly-and  
-die thing? I mean, doesn't that matter?"  
Spike looked thoughtful. "Well, I suppose after a while, it would be a  
problem. I'd say she should turn her, but then Cordelia wouldn't be the same  
girl Faith fell for. And that would sort of defeat the purpose of the whole  
damn thing now, wouldn't it?"  
I nodded. "Yeah, it would. Besides, Cordy would probably go crazy without a  
reflection."  
Spike burst up laughing. "That she would, pet."  
I smiled. I liked making him laugh. And it was nice that he wasn't laughing  
over something like my dead body, or making evil schemes to rid the world of  
Buffy once and for all. Spike with a soul was so sweet. Maybe things could  
work out after all.

~*~ Faith ~*~

"You're certain?" I asked, not bothering to conceal my irritation. Sure,  
having lackeys around to do your bidding saves you from having to do  
unpleasant tasks, but dealing with them is so fucking annoying all you want  
to do is rip out their intestines, inch by inch, and feed them to them. And,  
at the moment, the lackey in question was Jared.  
He nodded. "Y-Yes, Mistress Faith. The redhead and Mistress Dru's old  
consort, the blond one with the soul, were buying things at the magick shop.  
I-I recognize them from my studies. It's things to restore a vampire's soul."  
I cracked each of my knuckles, one by one, enjoying the sickening pop sound  
each one made. I enjoyed the sound because I knew how much it irritated  
Jared. He often yelled at the other lackeys to make them stop it. Even now,  
it was obvious how much he hated the noise, but he couldn't very well yell at  
his mistress, now, could he? Not unless he wanted to be the loser in our next  
game of "Who's got all their internal organs?"  
"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" I said to him in the kind of slow,  
quiet monotone I used when addressing a child, or Dru. Jared hated that, too,  
but he still couldn't yell at me for it. Sometimes, being a master vampire  
was fun.  
"N-No, Mistress Faith." Jared stammered, closing his eyes in an attempt to  
block out the sound of my knuckles cracking.  
I picked up my hunting knife. Damn, but I still love killing with this  
thing. "Round up the others. Head for the school library in about an hour.  
I'll meet you there." I shoved the knife into my belt. "Looks like I have to  
pay a visit to an old flame."

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I brushed my damp hair in my bedroom. I was so tired. So much had happened  
these past few months to mentally and emotionally overwhelm me.  
Falling for Faith had been the oddest thing that ever happened to me. It had  
all been so confusing. At the time, I was still with Xander. Still Cordelia  
Chase, the undefeated champion for the Queen Bitch of the Universe award.  
But when we first saw each other--my dark eyes meeting her darker  
ones--something in me just went 'click'. And suddenly, there were all these  
feelings, these weird feelings, going on inside me that I didn't understand.  
The first time Faith kissed me was liking opening up this Pandora's Box of  
stuff I just totally didn't get. The only thing that made sense to me was  
Faith: she was so beautiful, and so sweet in her own way, and her kisses gave  
me the shivers. It was so exciting, it was like touching a bolt of lightning,  
only not.  
And now she was dead. But not dead. She was evil.  
I defended her; when she killed Miss Calendar, when she killed innocent  
people, I always came rushing to remind them that it wasn't Faith, but a  
demon with her face. Sort of like those buttons: "I may look like me, but I'm  
really my evil twin." Faith turned into her evil twin. A really evil twin.  
When word came to us that Faith was trying to open a gate to Hell through  
some weird rock thing called Acathla, I still defended her. I didn't want to  
believe it.  
And now, because I held in there, we might be bringing her back. It's so  
scary, thinking that Faith might be able to come back to me and things'll be  
like they were. Like waking up from a nightmare or something.  
I thought of the people she'd killed, the people who would never wake up.  
They had to stay in the nightmare.  
I shook it off. I couldn't think like that once they restored her soul. Not  
if I wanted to stay with her.  
"Getting all settled in for the night, lover?" A voice behind me purred.  
I whirled around. "Faith! What are you doing here?"  
Faith hopped out of the window sill, then wrapped her arms around my waist.  
"What, suddenly I need a reason to see you?" She nibbled my ear lobe. "Can't  
a woman drop in on her lover without being asked why?"  
I shoved her away. "What do you want?"  
She laughed at me. "Fine, baby, have it your way." She pulled a large  
hunting knife out of her belt and started running her fingers along the blade  
almost lovingly. I remembered when she had once run her fingers along me the  
same way, but blocked it out. This was a soulless demon; not my Faith.  
"Just wanted to get the truth about a nasty little rumor flying around  
town." She sliced open one of her fingers, but didn't seem to care. She  
slowly sucked the blood off that finger then continued: "I got little birdies  
twittering in my ears."  
"And what are they saying?" I asked, hoping my tone sounded as cool and nasty  
as it used to when I talked to Xander or Willow when we were kids.  
"That you and Willow are getting it on." She said. "No, actually, they say  
you want to restore my soul. Confirm or deny, lover?"  
"What difference does it make to you?" I asked, keeping my voice neutral.  
Faith came up to me, smiling at me in some cruel parody of the flirty grin  
she used to send my way when we were supposed to be researching in the  
library. She forcibly turned me around to face the other way and yanked me  
against her, pressing her chest against my back. She bent my head the side  
and kissed my throat. "I'm perfect, lover; five by five. But telling me what  
I want to know makes all the difference to you."  
I heard a strange, unidentifiable sound right before I felt twin needles  
scraping a vein in the side of my neck. I shivered, realizing that she had  
dropped her human face to reveal the demon visage.  
"I could do it," she whispered. "I could bite you right now; drink up all  
your blood and feed it right back to you. Make you like me." She ran her  
hands over my stomach. I fought back tears, remembering when she used to do  
that affectionately. But there was no affection in the hands touching me now.  
Why would there be? This wasn't Faith.  
"I'll do it to you, baby. Do it to you right now." She traced the vein in my  
neck with her tongue, running it back up to my ear. "You wouldn't like it. It  
hurts bad. Remember how bad it hurt me? Remember how I cried for you, baby?  
Wanted you to make it stop?" Tears trickled down my cheeks. I couldn't have  
saved her, I reminded myself. I couldn't have.  
"But then, when did what I want matter?" She asked. "You're Cordelia Chase.  
Everything takes a back seat to you. That's why you followed me that night.  
That's why I died. I died because you didn't care what I wanted, Cor, baby."  
I started to collapse, but Faith held me tighter. She reached up and stroked  
my cheek with the flat of her knife blade. "Don't restore my soul, baby." She  
whispered. "If you do, you'll be destroying me again because you didn't give  
a fuck about what I wanted."  
And, just as suddenly as she came, she left. I sank to my bedroom floor and  
started to cry.

~*~ Angel ~*~

"We didn't find her." Buffy said as we walked into the library.  
"She could be preparing for the ritual, or she could know we were looking for  
her. Either way, she was nowhere to be seen." I told Giles.  
"It's okay." Willow said, setting up her materials. "We don't need her for  
this part."  
"G-Man and I found the spell, so we're good to go." Xander said.  
I nodded. "Good." I looked over at Spike, who was absent-mindedly playing  
with Willow's hair. I had to smile at that. He hadn't told her yet, but it  
was pretty obvious. Well, obvious to me, anyway. Looking over at Xander, who  
was eating Oreos, I could tell that the whole thing was going straight over  
his head.  
Willow sprinkled a trail of salt all around the table she was going to use  
for "sacred space". She went around the table two more times.  
"'Cast the circle thrice about, to keep the evil spirits out'?" Buffy asked,  
grinning.  
Willow blushed. I nearly laughed. Buffy could be silly at times, but God, I  
love her.  
Buffy smiled secretively at me, then beckoned me towards the stacks. I  
followed.  
Once we were out of sight, Buffy wrapped her arms around my neck. "I didn't  
want to kiss you in front of Giles and Xander." She explained. "Well, mostly  
Xander."  
I kissed her forehead. "Are you worried that this won't work?"  
She nodded, not even bothering to ask how I knew. She and I just picked up  
on each other's emotions sometimes; we didn't even notice it any more.  
"I'm worried about what it'll do to Cordy if it doesn't." She paused. "She  
loves Faith so much, Angel. And if this doesn't work, she's going to be so  
hurt."  
I nodded, combing the blond strands off her forehead, letting her finish.  
"I mean, Angel, imagine how I'd feel if you lost your soul." Buffy  
continued. "I'd be devastated. You're my life, just like Faith is Cordy's. If  
you lost your soul somehow, I don't know what I'd do." Her eyes were welling  
up with tears at the mere thought.  
I pulled her close and kissed her gently. "That's never going to happen. I  
promise."  
"All right, guys; this is it. Come on." Willow called.  
I smiled at Buffy. "come on; let's go get this done."  
She nodded. "Okay."  
Spike and I took seats beside Willow, and Buffy sat next to me, with Xander  
and Giles between Buffy and Spike, completing the circle.  
Willow began the chants and lighting the herbs like a pro. I'd never  
realized before exactly how good at this she was getting. I reached over and  
held Buffy's hand, gently stroking the back of it with my thumb. She smiled  
over at me as Willow chanted in Rumani, the room filling with magickal  
energies.  
"Cozy?" An evil voice said.  
"Faith!" Buffy cried, leaping to her feet.  
Before I could react, however, I heard Willow's scream, followed by a thud.  
Pain shot through my entire body. One of Faith's minions had pushed over a  
bookshelf, pinning Spike, Willow and I, and apparently one of Xander's arms,  
too, underneath it.  
I struggled to move, my body railing against it. With a sickening lurch, I  
realized my ribs were broken. I craned my neck to look over at the others.  
Xander's right forearm, imprisoned under the bookcase, was twisted up in ways  
that human limbs should never be twisted. Spike was trapped on his side,  
facing Willow; his ribs were probably broken, too. They were both unconcious.  
I tried to push the bookshelf off of me, clenching my teeth and ignoring the  
pain. I felt my face twist into the animalistic demon visage as I struggled,  
but the shelf was too heavy for me to push off by myself.  
Faith laughed evilly, coming up close to Buffy. "Hey, B. Miss me?"  
"Back off, Faith." Buffy said, taking a fighting stance.  
Faith laughed. "Or you'll what? You're going to kill me? Yeah, right." She  
laughed again. "Look around you, B. All your buddies are beaten. And mine  
aren't." She spread her arms wide, and vampires began emerging from the  
shadows.  
I counted. There were at least twelve, thirteen counting Faith. Buffy may be  
strong, and the Slayer, but by herself, against that many? The odds weren't  
good. I tried again to push the shelf off me.  
Suddenly, an arrow came out of nowhere and struck one of the vampires in the  
chest. He turned to dust.  
I craned my neck again to see where it came from.  
Giles stood in the doorway to his office, his cross bow aimed straight at  
Faith's chest.  
"Get out of here, Faith." Giles said in a deadly tone. "Now."  
Faith burst up laughing. "Oh, please. Go ahead, Giles. Shoot me." She  
grinned evilly at him, and adjusted her stance so he had an even better  
chance at her heart. "I dare you."  
Giles fired the cross bow. I watched the arrow fly. I watched Faith catch it  
an inch away from her heart and break it across her knee.  
"Nice try." She said, coming close to Giles. He brought up his fist to punch  
her. Faith caught it, forcibly spread his fingers, then bent them back until  
I heard the sickening crunch as they were brutally broken. Giles cried out in  
pain. Faith kicked his shins, sweeping his legs out from under him. He lay on  
the ground, clutching his hand, crying out in agony.  
"You guys just don't get it, do you?" Faith said, her voice echoing in the  
stillness of the library. She walked up to Buffy, leaned right in her face.  
"You can't win, B." She smiled. I felt rage twisting my insides. If she  
touched Buffy, she would have the rest of eternity to wish she hadn't.  
"I'm going to go now, and have a sleep-over with my buddy Acathla. Tomorrow  
at noon, the world ends." She drew a hunting knife; from where, I didn't see,  
but it was huge. She stroked Buffy's cheek with the flat of the blade. "Too  
bad you won't be here to see it." She pressed her forehead to Buffy's, then  
declared, "See you in Hell, B." She jammed the knife right into Buffy's solar  
plexus.  
"No!" Xander cried.  
"Buffy!" I shouted in fear.  
Faith laughed evilly, then stalked out, her minions following. "Tomorrow at  
noon, B! Wish you could've seen it." She yelled over her shoulder.  
"Spike!" I shouted to my childe. "Spike!"  
Spike groaned in pain, signiyfing that he had come to.  
"Spike, help me get this shelf off us!" I shouted to him.  
Spike groaned. "What the hell happened?"  
"Don't worry about that now. Just help me get this shelf off."  
Spike turned onto his back, groaning in gut-wrenching pain as he did.  
"Right. Let's go. Count of three." Spike said.  
"One..two...three!" Spike and I pushed the shelf off of us. It fell over on  
its other side, spilling the rest of the books.  
"God, Will..." Spike whispered in horror, stroking Willow's face.  
I didn't care. I got up and ran straight to Buffy and picked her up. I could  
already feel my broken ribs healing. "Oh, God, Buffy..." My voice cracked.  
There was blood pouring out of her, dripping down her sides, running down her  
legs. It was everywhere.  
"Angel..." She whispered, fighting to remain concious.  
"Oh, God, Buffy," I felt tears flowing down my face as freely as the blood  
was running down her sides.  
Suddenly, Giles was beside me. "Angel, she's going to die."  
"No!" I cried in both fear and anger. I could still hear her heartbeat. She  
probably had about five minutes left before she bled to death.  
"There's a way to save her." I heard Spike say.  
I must've been in some serious shock, because even Xander caught his meaning  
before I did. Buffy struggled to breathe.  
Giles looked at me. "You'll have to turn her."  
"No." I said, shaking my head. But even as I said it, I thought: What other  
choice is there?  
"Angel, I don't like it, either. But dammit all to hell, it's the only  
chance she's got. And she's the only chance *we've* got." Giles said angrily.  
I looked at Buffy, whimpering in agony, dying slowly in my arms.  
"All right." I whispered, laying her down. Giles propped her up so that her  
back was against his chest, and turned her head to offer me access to her  
throat.  
"God forgive us." Giles said softly as my fangs broke through the skin on her  
neck.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I ran through the hospital doors frantically, looking for a nurse. I ran up  
to the front desk, and said, "A woman was brought in here, a little redhead,  
named Willow Rosenberg? What room is she in?" Wonder of wonders; my voice  
actually worked.  
The nurse asked, "Are you family?"  
"Yes. I'm her stepsister." I lied.  
"All right; come with me." the nurse said, leading me down a corridor.  
"She's in critical condition. Apparently, she got pinned under a bookshelf at  
the school library. She was very lucky to have survived it--"  
I tuned her out, looking right and left, wondering which room Willow was in.  
The nurse led me into a white hospital room, where Willow was asleep in the  
bed. Spike was beside her, staring intently, watching her sleep. Xander was  
in a chair around the other side of the room, with Angel beside him. Buffy  
was asleep in Angel's arms, but she had a huge bloodstain on the front of her  
t-shirt. I wondered briefly how they explained that to the doctors, but  
decided it wasn't important.  
"How is she?" I asked.  
"Doc says she's in a coma." Xander replied. His arm was in a cast, supported  
by a sling around his neck. In a quiet voice he added, "They say the longer  
she's out, the less likely it is she'll wake up."  
I felt my eyes burning with tears. "Oh, God." I swallowed hard. "How did it  
happen?"  
Xander looked away, his face darkening with sudden rage.  
Angel spoke up. "Faith...came to the library while we were in the middle of  
the spell. One of her lackeys pushed the bookshelf over on Spike, Willow,  
Xander and I. That's how Xander's arm was broken, and how Willow ended up in  
her coma."  
A small cry escaped my lips. My Faith had done this. No, not my Faith. Not  
mine any more.  
"Where's Giles?" I asked.  
"He's out getting coffee." Angel answered. "Faith broke his fingers pretty  
bad."  
I clenched my fists, looking away. Suddenly, my head snapped up. "What  
happened to Buffy? Why is she covered in blood? And how did you manage to  
sneak her in here like that?"  
"We told the doctors the reason we were in the library was that we were  
making an independent horror movie." Angel explained. "We said the blood is  
fake, and the reason she's unconscious is that one of the heavier books hit  
her head. The doctor looked, but said it couldn't be too serious, since there  
wasn't even a bump."  
I noticed that he hadn't said how she ended up covered in blood. "How did it  
happen?"  
He bit his lip and looked away before he said, "Faith stabbed her with a  
hunting knife."  
I sat down on the edge of Willow's bed, trying to take it all in. It was all  
too horrible to comprehend. I looked back over at him. "Why is she still  
alive? It looks pretty bad, and that's not a good place to be stabbed."  
Angel swallowed hard, but couldn't answer this time. I looked to Xander, who  
was still furiously glaring at the floor. Finally, Spike spoke up.  
"Angel turned her, to save her life." The blond vampire explained. "In a few  
hours, she'll wake up and be one of us."  
Angel looked away in shame, guilt washing over him that he'd drank from her.  
I realized with a sickening lurch that Buffy wasn't asleep; she was dead.  
She was laying there in Angel's arms, but she wasn't alive. And in a few  
hours, she'd be what Angel and Spike are. What Faith is.  
"Will she be...?" I started to ask, unable to bring myself to say the word.  
"No." Angel said. "She was sired by a vampire with a soul; she'll keep hers.  
She's not going to be evil."  
I sighed in relief. But I felt sick with sympathy for Buffy, who would now  
live forever as what she'd been born to destroy.  
"You didn't finish cursing Faith, did you?" I asked softly.  
Angel looked at me, sorrow written all over his face. He shook his head no.  
"So she's still going to destroy the world." I whispered, more to myself  
than to him.  
"At noon today." He confirmed.  
I clenched my fists and made a decision. Not if I can help it.

~*~ Spike ~*~

Willow and I were alone, for once. Angel had left Buffy on the row of  
chairs he and Xander had been sitting in so that he could go add to the blood  
supply in our fridge. Apparently, he'd decided Buffy was going to live in our  
apartment until she got the hang of being a vamp.  
Xander had gone to get himself some coffee. Giles still hadn't come back  
from getting his. God only knew where Cordelia went.  
So I was the only concious one in the room. I touched Willow's cheek.  
"You know, pet, you really ought to wake up soon." I told her. "You'd be so  
excited to hear that Buffy's moving in with Angel and me. I know how badly  
you wanted things to work out for them." I pushed the cardinal red strands  
off her forehead, gently smoothing her hair out.  
I tried again. "Come on, luv; you gotta wake up. Who the hell's going to  
smack me upside the head whenever I make a dirty joke, huh?" I swallowed  
hard. "Who's going to be so beautiful when they blush that I want to pick  
them up, spin 'em around and kiss the life out of them? Certainly not Buffy  
or Cordelia." Nothing. God, if only I knew whether or not she could hear me...  
"Willow luv, listen to me; what's the point of my unlife if you're not  
around to make it miserable?" I'm not crying. See? I'm strong. "C'mon now,  
baby. Who else is going to be my little pixie?" I called her that. Out loud.  
"Dammit, Willow..." I clenched my teeth.  
"I love you." I bent down, kissed her lips gently, then looked up at the  
ceiling, as in prayer.  
"Spike...?" A voice mumbled. I looked down at her. Her eyes were open.  
"Willow!" I cried softly.  
"Where am I?" She asked softly, squinting as if she couldn't focus her  
eyesight.  
But I didn't answer her. I leaned down and kissed her again instead. But  
this time was much better. She kissed me back. Not only that, but she put a  
hand on the back of my neck to pull me closer to her. A lot closer to her.  
Kissing Willow. It was Heaven. I'd dreamed this so many times, it was  
perfect. So perfect I didn't even mind when I heard Xander, in the doorway, a  
few minutes later, mumble to himself, "Spike and Willow? Kissing? Damn. Looks  
like I owe Buffy some money."

~*~ Xander ~*~

"It's a bad idea." I said.  
And I was right. It was a bad idea.  
"Xander, we have to try." Willow told me, sitting up in her hospital bed,  
leaning against Spike. "We owe it to Faith."  
"We don't owe shit to Faith." I responded. "Faith put you in a coma. She  
broke my arm, Giles' fingers, and killed Buffy. She broke Deadboy One and  
Two's ribs. She killed Miss Calendar. Exactly what do we owe her for?"  
"Xander, Cordelia loves Faith." Willow said softly.  
Why does everyone keep reminding me that Cordelia loves Faith? I know  
Cordelia loves Faith. Cordelia loves Faith so much, she dumped me to be with  
her.  
Way to be bitter, Harris, I thought.  
"We have to try to curse her again." Willow said.  
I opened my mouth to protest again, but Willow cut me off, saying, "Resolve  
face."  
I shook my head. "This is a bad idea."  
Spike shot me a look. So did Giles. I took it as my cue to shut up.  
"Anyway, Xander, all you have to do is go tell Angel and Cordy we're going  
to try the curse again. Okay?" Willow asked.  
"Fine." I said, still angry inside. We didn't owe Faith anything; and Cordy  
deserved to bbetter than a psychotic Slayer-turned-vamp. I don't care if  
Cordy's a lesbian. That's her choice. But she should be a lesbian with  
someone normal.  
I found Cordelia and Angel talking in the hall, Angel glaring at her and  
saying, "This is a bad idea."  
I wondered if he had heard our discussion and shared my sentiments.  
"Angel, I have to do this." Cordelia replied. "It's the only way."  
"No, Cordelia; there has to be something else we can do."  
"I don't know if you noticed, but it's eight in the morning. You, Buffy, and  
Spike aren't going anywhere for another twelve hours. Xander, Willow and  
Giles are all hurt bad; they can't fight. But I can still go. And I still  
have four hours to find her."  
I froze. Cordy wanted to go after Faith? On her own?  
"This is a bad idea." Angel repeated.  
"Look, I'm going to do this with or without your help. But with your help, I  
actually have a chance of winning here."  
Angel sighed and handed her a set of keys. "Go to my apartment. In the back  
of the weapons cupboard, there's a sword. It was blessed by the knight who  
originally slew Acathla. If Faith has completed the ritual by the time you  
find her, kill her with the sword, and it'll close his mouth. All right?"  
Cordelia nodded. "Okay."  
I felt my heart aching. Cordelia was willing to go out and kill the woman  
she loved more than life itself to save the rest of us. I walked over to them.  
"Hey, Xander." Angel said.  
"Willow's going to try and curse Faith again." I told them.  
They gaped at me, making me wonder if I'd said it in English.  
"You heard me, right?"  
Cordelia nodded. "Yeah. So, um, if you can curse her soon, she'll have her  
soul back before she has a chance to awaken Acathla?"  
I winced. "I have to go back to the library and get the spell. I also have  
to get Willow some new materials. Between the time that'll take, plus the  
drive, it'll be about four hours."  
"What?" Cordy asked. "Why?"  
"The bookstore here in Sunnydale is closed today. I have to leave town to get  
Willow's materials." I explained. "And if there's traffic..."  
Cordy nodded. "I understand."  
"I heard your plans." I said softly.  
Cordelia bit her lower lip, looking away.  
I sighed and gently squeezed her shoulder. "Do what you have to, Cor. I'll  
help you out however I can."  
For the first time in months, Cordelia smiled at me. While they were  
together, all of her smiles had been for Faith. and ever since faith had  
died, Cordy hadn't smiled at all. But now, she was smiling. And it was for  
me. I was breathlessly proud.  
"Angel, go stay with Buffy; we've got this covered." cordelia told him.  
Angel nodded and turned to go back to Willow's room.  
"Angel..." Cordy called after him. He turned around.  
"Thanks." She said softly.  
Angel nodded. "Any time." He said softly.

~*~ Buffy ~*~

My first thought when I came to was, "Why am I in a hospital?" My second was  
that I was really, really hungry. But not hungry in a good kind of way,  
because I wasn't craving Lucky Charms or Frosted Flakes. I wanted blood.  
Apparently, everyone else had seen this coming, because Angel handed me a  
packet of blood. I looked at him like he was crazy.  
"What's going on?" I asked.  
Giles, Spike and Angel exchanged looks before Angel asked me, "Buffy, what's  
the last thing you remember?"  
"We were in the library...cursing Faith...then the bookshelf fell over on  
you, Spike and Willow--" I panicked. "Willow? Is she okay? Is she hurt?"  
"I'm fine, Buffy." Willow said from over in the hospital bed. I relaxed,  
since she looked okay. I noticed that she was leaning on Spike, who had his  
arms around her waist and smiled. Looks like Xander owes me money, I thought.  
"Buffy, there's no easy way to tell you this..." Giles said.  
"Tell me what?" I asked, alarms going off in the back of my head.  
Angel, Spike and Giles all exchanged looks again. None of them said anything  
for a few minutes.  
"Where's Xander?" I asked, realizing he wasn't there. "Is Xander--"  
"Xander's fine." Angel said softly.  
I saw the looks on everyone's faces. They were keeping something from me.  
Something big.  
"Angel, if you have something to tell me, just tell me. Drop the cryptic;  
you're scaring me." I said, looking him dead in the face.  
Angel looked at me sorrowfully. "Buffy...you..."  
"What?" I asked, panic setting in.  
"Oh, bloody hell." Spike said, whipping a mirror out of Willow's night table  
drawer and handing it to me.  
I looked in it. And saw...nothing. Not nothing, as in nothing wrong, but  
absolutely nothing. I didn't show up. I had no reflection.  
But that's impossible, I thought. Only vamps have no...  
And then I remembered.  
It all came back to me in a horrible rush. Faith breaking Giles'  
fingers...telling us her plan to destroy the world at noon...stabbing me...so  
much blood...all of it mine...Giles saying, "God forgive us,"....Angel biting  
me....  
"I'm a vampire." I whispered.  
Angel looked at me, his pain and guilt written all over his face.  
"Buffy...you were dying...bleeding to death. You had about five minutes left  
to live. There was nothing else I could do. I tried, Buffy. God, I didn't  
want to do this to you. If there'd been any other way, I would never have--"  
I pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him. "Shhhh."  
Tears were in his eyes. My heart ached. My Angel.  
"This is NOT your fault, do you understand me?" I asked, cradling his face  
in my hands. "Do you?"  
"Buffy--" He started to say.  
"Do you?" I asked again, cutting him off.  
Angel searched my face, and for a moment seemed lost in his own thoughts.  
But then, finally he moved my palms to his lips, kissing each one before he  
said, "I do."  
I smiled at him. He smiled back at me.  
"You're still the same, Buff," Willow added. "You even have the same title.  
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, only a little more emphasis on 'vampire' now."  
I laughed. "Right, Will." Then I saw the clock. "Oh God, it's eight-thirty!  
Faith's going to pull a Marvin the Martian in three and a half hours! We got  
to find her. Now."  
"It's okay, Buffy; Cordelia's looking for her, and Xander's getting the  
materials to curse her right now." Angel said.  
I relaxed a little, until I remembered. "But the bookstore's closed today.  
Where's he getting materials?"  
Angel, Spike and Giles excahnged glances before Angel said, "He has to go  
out of town to get them."  
My eyes widened. "He'll never get back here and curse her on time! No way.  
We have to get her."  
"Buffy, Cordy's going to have to handle this one." Willow told me sadly.  
"You're just going to let Cordy go out there, on her own, to fight Faith?" I  
emphasised each word so harshly that they all winced at how stupid I made the  
idea seem. "No way. Cordy's been through enough; she shouldn't have to do  
this, too. I'm going." I started for the door. Spike grabbed me by the shirt  
and shoved me into a chair.  
"Bloody Hell, Slayer, you're a vamp now! You can't just go barging out there  
in the middle of the day unless you want to be brought home in a dustbuster!"  
He cried angrily.  
I gaped at him. I knew it was true, but I didn't want to believe it. Cordy  
would probably get killed trying to stop Faith. Or worse, she'd end up having  
to kill Faith herself. I looked over at Angel. If it came to it, and I had to  
do it to save the world, could I kill him? I felt my heart break for Cordy.  
"No one should have to send the person they love to Hell." I said softly to  
Spike.  
Nobody responded to that.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

It had been half an hour since I'd gotten the sword at Angel's when Xander  
dropped me off in front of Acathla's tomb.  
It was twenty minutes of searching the tomb before I realized that Faith had  
had the damn thing moved.  
It was an hour of hitch hiking back to the heart of Sunnydale and ten  
minutes of thinking, and another hour of walking, before I finally found  
where Faith was actually performing the ritual.  
One hour left. I did not have very much time.  
Faith smiled when she saw me. "I thought they might send you."  
"Nobody sent me. They all said it was a bad idea." I replied. It was true.  
"Oh, really?" Faith said. "Nice to know my girlfriend wants to see me for  
once without having to be told to." She noticed the sword I was toting. "What  
are you going to do with that, Cor baby?"  
"Kill you." I said softly, staring at a face that once held love for me. But  
there was no love in those eyes now. I could do this. I was ready.  
"Well, I can't just let you kill me, Cor. You want me dead, you're going to  
have to fight me first." Faith said, smirking at me.  
I nodded, choking back tears. "I know."  
"Well, then, by all means, let's battle." Faith said, vamping.  
I held up the sword and prepared for an attack.

~*~ Xander ~*~

I ran out of the car and into the hospital, disregarding nurses, doctors and  
other patients. I had something important to do, dammit, couldn't they see  
that?  
I tripped over my shoelaces and fell flat on my face. I groaned and tried to  
pick up everything as fast as I could. There was only half an hour to go now.  
Half an hour to prevent the end of the world.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I was losing. It was pretty obvious. Faith was a vampire, and a former  
Slayer besides. She was much, much stronger. It was hardly a fair fight, but  
that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that she was too busy fighting  
with me to awaken Acathla. And hopefully soon, they'd have her cursed. Then  
it would all be over and I'd have my Faith back.  
Faith kicked me in the stomach. "You're pathetic!" she yelled at me. "Not  
even worth the effort!"  
"Then why are you still trying?" I sneered up at her. She backhanded me  
across the face with her fist.  
"Don't talk to me like that, bitch!"  
I kicked her feet out from under her, then crawled across the room for the  
sword.  
Faith grabbed my ankle. "I'm not finished with you!" She gripped my foot and  
gave it a painful twist. I screamed in agony. She had broken my ankle.  
She climbed to her feet. "Guess what, bitch? I'm going to destroy the world,  
and you're going to fucking watch!"  
She walked over to Acathla and started the opening chants to the ritual.  
I struggled to gain my fotting, trying not to yelp over my broken ankle. I  
picked up a rock and flung it at her. It struck her between the shoulder  
blades.  
Faith whirled around to face me, her face twisted up in its demon visage.  
Hurry, guys, I thought.

~*~ Willow ~*~

I wrung my hands nervously, looking at the clock. Fifteen minutes to go. I  
felt tears in my eyes. I might only have fifteen minutes to live, I thought.  
Apparently, the others are thinking the same thing, since Giles is pacing,  
Buffy's whittling a stake in the corner and both Angel and Spike have their  
heads bowed, trying not to look at anything.  
We all jumped in startlement as the door to my room was flung open. Xander  
stood there, panting.  
"I got it." He said, holding up a brown paper bag.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I yanked Faith's hair, eliciting a scream from her. She brought her knee up  
into my gut. I groaned in pain.  
"What's the matter, Cor baby?" Faith taunted me. "Don't you like it rough?"  
I punched her in response. She flipped me onto my back, pinning me. "Oh,  
that's right. You liked it all slow. God, you were so weak! So pathetic. I  
can't believe that you're the one I fell in love wth. If it had been Willow  
or B, at least I'd have had a girl with spirit! You're just a prissy  
teeny-bopper valley girl who's scared to have real sex because she might  
break a nail!"  
She shoved her off me, took off one of my shoes and threw it at her.  
Faith burst up laughing. "You're going to have to do better than that,  
lover."  
She turned away and resumed where she left off with the ritual. I collapsed  
on my back, exhausted. I knew I couldn't take much more. But I had to. If I  
wanted to save the world, if I wanted my Faith back, I had to take all she  
could dish out and more.  
"Yeah, well, at least I had sex! You couldn't handle it with a man if you  
tried! Xander was a better lover than you!" I shouted at her, hoping to draw  
her into another fight.  
It worked.

~*~ Buffy ~*~

I sprinkled salt around Willow's bed while Giles and Angel set up the  
materials on the lap desk she was holding. I circled the bed three times with  
the salt.  
I gave Willow a trembling smile. "Cast the circle thrice about to keep the  
evil spirits out, right?"  
Willow smiled back. "Right."  
Xander and Spike lit the candles around the room. I'd already locked the  
door. Hopefully, no nurses or doctors would try to come in while we were  
doing this.  
I passed Willow the spell's text. I looked over the bed at Angel.  
"Here's to hoping it works this time." I said.  
"Here's hoping." He said softly.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I wrestled on the floor of the cavern with Faith. Every time I did, it took  
a little more of her time. But already, the ritual was half-finished, and if  
they didn't curse her soon, I'd have to kill her to save us all.  
Could I do it? I was so sure until I came in here and started beating the  
hell out of her. Now, I didn't know.  
Faith slammed her fist into my gut. It took every ounce of my physical  
strength not to throw up.  
"We're going to Hell, lover." She told me, smiling crazily.  
"No, *you're* going to Hell. I'm going to kill you." I snapped at her.  
"You're too pathetic, Cor baby. Face it; I'm going to win. Eventually,  
you're going to get tired. But me? I don't get tired. I can wail on you for  
as long as I want, and I won't even break a sweat."  
"Put your fist where your mouth is, Faith." I spat on her face.

~*~ Angel ~*~

For the second time, I watched Willow chant in Rumani. Thankfully, without  
my brethren's intervention this time.  
I looked at Buffy. She'd been an exquisitely beautiful human, but as a  
vampire, she was unbelievable. The pale complexion complimented her  
blue-green eyes, and her blond hair made a perfect frameset for all of it.  
Now she was going to live forever...be with me forever.  
She gripped my hand tightly as Willow's chanting became louder, more  
frenzied. The curse would be done soon. hen we would have nothing to do but  
wait.  
I hope to God we finish on time.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I failed. Faith gashed open her palm, slapped it to the statue, and Acathla  
was awake. I have to kill her now. There's no other way. I couldn't keep her  
busy long enough to prevent the ritual while they cursed her. And now, I have  
to kill her.  
It's not her punishment. At least, I don't think so. It's mine. I'll have to  
go through the rest of my life, knowing I killed her. Her blood will be on my  
hands.  
Better hers than the rest of the world.  
I reached over and grasped the sword. I started to climb to my feet.  
Do it quickly, I repeated to myself. Do it fast and you won't even have to  
open your eyes.  
Faith turned around, eyes wild and saw me.  
"We're going to Hell, Cor baby!" She yelled at me. She laughed and drew her  
hunting knife, which was still wet with her blood.  
She put her foot on my chest and pinned me to the ground.  
"And now, I'm going to take care of you, Cor." She told me. "Just like I  
always do." She held up the knife and I waited for it to plunge into my  
chest, ending my life.  
It never came.  
For, all of a sudden, there was a flash of light in Faith's eyes and the  
knife was laying beside me.  
And Faith looked as confused as a five-year-old studying trig.

~*~ Faith ~*~

"Cor?" I asked in a whisper. "What happened? What are we doing here? Where  
is 'here'?"  
Cordelia looked up at me strangely. She looked shocked. I didn't care.  
Seeing her at all seemed like some kind of miracle. Like I hadn't seen her  
months. Years, maybe.  
"Baby, what's going on? Where are we? I don't understand."  
She reached up tentatively and touched my face. "F-Faith?" She asked me in a  
quivering voice, almost like she was afraid to believe.  
Believe what? I thought.  
"What are we doing here, Cor?" I asked softly. "The last thing I remember,  
we were fighting vamps in an alley. What happened? Did they knock us out? I  
don't remember. Everything's all messed up. It's like I can't think clearly."  
Cor didn't answer my questions. Instead, she covered my mouth in what was  
probably the most intense kiss of my life.  
She broke off and wrapped her arms around me so tight, I nearly winced.  
"Faith, baby." She kissed me again. "I love you. I love you so much." She was  
crying. Why was she crying? I don't understand. She kissed me again, only  
softer, sweeter, like she wanted to take her time.  
"I love you, too." I whispered into her hair. She kissed me again, both our  
mouths opening to gently touch our tongues together. "Cor, what's wrong?"  
"Shhh. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Except you. You matter." She  
hugged me close again, her tears felt warm on my neck. "I love you, Faith."  
"I love you, too, baby." I whispered, drinking in the sight of her. God, but  
she's beautiful. I heard some strange whooshing sounds behind me, but when I  
started to look, Cor grabbed me and kissed me again. I ran my hands up and  
down her back.  
She broke off and sobbed, "Oh God, it's too late. There's no time. I  
can't..." She started sobbing softly, and buried her face in my neck. I  
kneaded her shoulders. "Hey, Cor. What's wrong, babe?"  
But then she was kissing me again. "I love you. Always. Never forget that,  
no matter what happens. I love you. I love you with all my heart. God, I love  
you." She whispered to me between kisses.  
"I love you, too, Cor baby." I whispered to her, pulling her close.  
She sniffed a little, then pressed her forehead to mine. "I love you, Faith."  
"I love you, too, Cor."  
She lifted my face up to hers, and kissed me again. It was so warm and  
soft, and so passionate. I could feel everything she felt for me, everything  
she would ever feel for me in that one kiss.And although, it was probably the  
best kiss Cor and I had ever shared, it sent a chill through me. She was  
kissing me as though it were the last time.  
I heard the whooshing sounds again, and looked to her in fear. "What's  
happening?" I whispered.  
"Shhhh. Don't worry about it." Cordelia whispered, combing her fingers  
through my hair. "I love you, Faith. Never forget?"  
"Never, baby." I promised.  
She pulled me close, and covered my mouth with hers.

~*~ Cordelia ~*~

I kissed her as I did it. I needed to. Each kiss was so precious, and this  
was the last time I would ever kiss her. And she was so afraid. She needed to  
be kissed and held, even if it was only as she died.  
Died in my arms.  
I was still kissing her as I pulled back the sword. Still kissing her as I  
ran the sword through her chest. Still kissing her as she cried out in agony  
against my lips.  
Finally, I pulled away from her. And saw the hurt in her eyes. Not the  
physical pain. The betrayal. I had killed her.  
"I love you, Faith." I sobbed.  
"I love you..." She whispered, starting to float away from me into the mouth  
of Acathla, the sword still protruding from her chest.  
"No!" I cried, grabbing her, pulling her close. I felt her blood staining my  
clothes and the sword hilt jabbing my ribs, but it didn't matter. Faith  
mattered.  
"No!" I cried again, clinging to her like there was no tomorrow. Because  
there *was* no tomorrow. The world was saved, but the only person in it that  
I really need would be dead.  
"Just hold onto me, Faith," I whispered fiercely. "Don't let go, whatever  
you do." Maybe if we clung hard enough, she wouldn't have to go. Maybe Hell  
would just close itself up and leave me my lover.  
Faith clung to me. She didn't understand what was going on, but she knew she  
was scared and she knew that I wouldn't let go of her, no matter what.  
She and I sat on the floor, clinging to each other, fingers tangled in one  
another's hair, tongues tangled in one another's mouths. I wasn't letting her  
go. Hell could take it at its leisure; it wasn't getting Faith.  
I felt the energies swrling around us. It made me so sick, but I could also  
feel the enrgies flowing away. Maybe it was actually going to leave Faith.  
Maybe I got to keep her.  
But then, suddenly, strange purple mists were swirling arund both of us in a  
perfect spiral, enveloping us, sealing us in. And that's when I knew.  
It wasn't leaving Faith.  
It was taking us both.  
And I didn't care. I didn't care! Where we were didn't matter; Faith  
mattered. Us being together mattered. I had just gotten her back. Nothing was  
separating us again.  
"Cor..." Faith sobbed, clinging to me in fear.  
"Shhhh." I whispered, burying my face in her hair. "It'll all be over soon.  
It'll all be over soon."  
I felt the floor fall away as Faith and I were lifted up and carried into  
the mouth of Acathla. Into Hell.  
"Cor!" Faith cried, outright weeping.  
"I love you." I whispered.  
Faith sobbed and held me tighter in response.  
I felt the magick started to close. We were in Acathla;s mouth now. Soon,  
the magick would seal the gateway. The world would be saved, but Faith and I  
would be lost forever. I inhaled the scent of Faith's hair, and knew  
immediately that it was worth it.  
I wasn't sure how I knew, but I knew, if I let go of Faith at any point  
before the magick was permanently sealed, it would let me go and carry her  
the rest of the way to Hell. I held her tighter. I had put her here, I wasn't  
going to leave her there by herself.  
I could hear the inhuman howls and screams of pain coming from the  
inhabitants of the place we were going. Poor souls being tortured...forever.  
Forever lost in darkness and pain, with no one to care.  
At least Faith and I had each other, whatever it was worth.  
I closed my eyes and let the darkness consume me.

~*~THE END~*~


End file.
